Friday, July 23, 2010

"Top pickup artist shares secrets of flirting," or Dada's blending of the old in-your-face with the simplicity of modern sincerity

Let me preface what I'm about to say with this: Later this month, Mrs. Dada and I will celebrate our anniversary. This will be another of those landmark ones. Our 40th! I love her dearly and I know of no more perfect mate for me. So Tuesday evening, to celebrate her mother's 86th birthday, why was I out back in the parking lot of the Italian restaurant we'd chosen for the occasion hitting on a perfect stranger? It was an innocent accident. Really! At least let me try to explain.

I don't think the article in that morning's newspaper entitled "Nation's top pickup artist shares secrets of flirting" had anything to do with it. Well it didn't resonate with me on a conscious level anyway, at least, while reading it over my second cup of coffee. But maybe later that evening in the parking lot out back of the restaurant -- on at more subtle, subconscious level -- the article reared its ugly head?

Whatever. With the author's pronouncement the age of the consummate pickup artist and his "ridiculously horrible" flirtatious lines is dying, he concluded the best opening line is becoming one of genuine sincerity; a simple "Hello, my name is .... " is gaining acceptance as the curtain falls on the "anti-gimmick, anti-pickup line era."

So, as the trash bin of hackneyed pickup lines overflows toward the event horizon of its own demise, Dada may have accidentally stumbled upon one last great opening for the desperately disconnected among us. It went down just like this:

We were to meet friends for dinner. Of the six of us, three had birthdays within four days of one another. Being a long walk from the parking lot to the restaurant, I dropped Mrs. Dada and her mother off near its front door. I then went to park the car out back and rejoin them inside.

After parking the car, I scanned the lot for our friends vehicle. Looking for their new car, a Kia Soul, I concluded they hadn't arrived yet. While I'd never seen a Soul before, I knew it was something on the order of one of those cool, unusual looking 'cars' ala a Nissan Cube that has people who encounter one for the first time asking themselves, "What the HELL is that?"

But I didn't have to wait long. Spotting a quirky looking vehicle pulling into the lot, I immediately turned my back on it as I quickly extracted my Flip video-cam from my pocket. As the car pulled into a parking space, I whirled around aiming my camera directly at it as I approached, waving to our friends inside while recording  their reaction. As I grew closer, however, I seemed to remember the new Kia Soul was white, unlike the copper colored one I was approaching. Closer, I could see an "H" logo on its front (as in Honda; as in Honda "Fit").

The three friends I was expecting were but a lone female, now being accosted by a stranger with a video camera! I quickly stopped recording, gasping desperately for apologies in the deep ended pool of humility.

In a wonderful blend of old and new, i.e., those tiresome forward, sometimes bordering on aggressive, advances versus their modern successors of honest sincerity, Dada went from (video cam) in-your-face bold to the humblest groveling for forgiveness (sincerity) within the same second.

And it worked! "You didn't seem threatening or dangerous," was my victim's reassurance. Very greatly relieved, we walked to the restaurant together sharing  pleasant conversation.

One caution to anyone taking inspiration from this incident to hook up with someone before they even make it out of their car in  the parking lot: Note, my accidental victim did not call police on her cell phone. She did not arrive with a boyfriend or husband! Nor, and probably most important, she was not packing heat. (Or at least didn't see fit to use it.) Attempt this at your own risk!

***** CODA *****
**Once back home, I went to view the video of this incident. To my surprise I learned the camera didn't actually activate when I turned it ON! Hence, when I discovered this woman wasn't our friends I mistook her for, lurching quickly for the camera's power button to shut it OFF, I actually turned it ON. The result being a record of our conversation as we walked to the restaurant during which I learned, among other small talk, she was from Idaho, got 40 mpg doing 85 mph in her Fit  I'd mistaken for her 'Soul.'**


D.K. Raed said...

LOL, and so your pick-up line was, "sorry, I mistook you for someone with a soul"!?!

Fran said...

Great summary DK!

Probably the closest that gal will ever get to the Paparazzi. Little did she know her admirer was fumbling with the equipment- turning it off when meaning to do otherwise, and on in reverse.
Oh well, at least you have proof to your wife & M-I-L that you were NOT flirting.
Mel Gibson still wins the award for worst recordings of the year.

Dada said...

Well, Fran, I think Deke pretty well illustrated a fine example of the genre of dying pick up lines, albeit it a great line, Deke.

That's because (from another article I read in researching this blog) I learned that often such lines can be downright insulting or aggressive. It's a defensive tactic born out of fear of rejection vs. the new approach gaining popularity, the hope of acceptance born of genuine honesty. Both of which I experienced nearly within the very same moment (the latter mostly out of fear for my *ss).

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