Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Important updates!

The War on Terror is over!

All bloggers and news media: Please update your government-speak dictionaries as follows:

The "War on Terror"
(WOT) is now officially over. Government and media will no longer use this obsolete terminology due to its close association with Bush/Cheney and torture.

The former War on Terror, now under the Obama administration will from now on be known as the "Overseas Contingency Operation," or the more pleasantly sounding acronym, "OCO," (most probably derived from the 1970 John Lennon lyric, "
I just believe in me, 'OCO' and me," from his hit song entitled "God.")

This just in: U.S. Air Force Lockheed F-22 Crashes in California

Whoops! F-22a, America's newest weapon in its Cold War arsenal against Afghanistani
terrorists (er, sorry"contingencies"), Russians, and Los "Angelinos." (With apologies,
this may be a file photo from an earlier F-22 crash during its testing phase?)

Wed. 3/25 - The crash of an Air Force fighter jet, an F-22A Raptor, has occurred near Edwards Air Force Base, CA. It is the first since the newest jet in America's arsenal of Cold War weapons became operational in 2007. T
he U.S. is buying 183 Raptors at a cost of $354 million a pop (whoops, sorry -- make that $354 million pieces -- ugh, Freudian slip, my bad -- I meant $354 million apiece*).

Some speculate the crash couldn't have happened at a worse time with president Obama to decide next month how many more of the expensive exotic jets the U.S. needs to defeat terrorists in Afghanistan and Mexican drug lords in Latin America and Los Angeles.

“ 'The timing isn’t great for the aircraft’s advocates, but I can’t imagine one crash being an effective argument against additional procurement,' Richard Aboulafia, analyst at the Teal Group in Fairfax, Virginia, said in an interview.

'I can’t think of a modern-generation fighter that hasn’t crashed either in operational use or in testing,' ” to which Dada says to those worried about the F-22A or any other weapons system that shows signs it doesn't do what it's supposed to:

"Not to worry. Look at the tens of billions of dollars the U.S. has spent on the development, testing, and deployment of the world's greatest anti-ballistic missile shield that has never worked."

As with accepted U.S. policy on any new weapon system it wants, "Failure is never a deterent to procurement."

(*NOTE: When you can't even get 3 F-22s for a $billion bucks, somebody, some-
where really, REALLY ought to take "Junior's" god-damned charge card away!
We're in a depression for Christ's sake. War is something we can no longer afford!)


Fran said...

It probably does not help if I say "they are consistent" eh?

Can we declare the whole military situation FUBAR yet?

xandtrek said...

I'm surprised they haven't crashed more. When I used to go camping out in the Mojave, or Eureka sand dunes, or in the White Mountains in California, those guys were always hot dogging, rolling, getting as close to the ground as possible, and being completely reckless to "test" the planes. At least two crashed when I lived in Bishop. They are very cavalier with our taxpayer millions -- one ejected and lived, the other didn't make it.