Tuesday, September 02, 2008

It's that time of year again and the fall fashions are arriving in full force!

Coming this fall: Softer handled clubs (officers had reported instances of callouses after
prolonged beating of protesters); floral scented pepper sprays and tear gases; Tasers
that play the chorus from the Beatles song "All You Need is Love" between discharges.

Unveiling of the latest 2008 Autumn martial-style wardrobes and gear is now underway across the United States. And the theme this year is definitely retro!

Law enforcement agencies across the country are scrambling to outdo one another in their race toward the more nostalgic militaristic looks so reminiscent of the 30's and 40's. And they're enlisting some of the biggest names in the industry to do it. Designers like Claiborne and Versace.

Last week's Democratic National Convention in Denver gave hints of what we might expect to see in police departments around the country this fall.

While not outwardly apparent, but following Liz DuBois' advice, we learned that layering can instantly update a simple yet authority dripping black uniform as some departments of Denver law enforcement were secretly adorned in hipster chic scarves and bling under those uniforms.

One officer coming off duty proudly sported a flashy gold flapper top paired with short shorts beneath his uniform while slipping into a pair of T-strap flats.

"It's all vintage," he said proudly. "As Amy Van Doran reminded us, it helps sensitive officers like myself stay in touch with their feminine side."

"And it's less frightening to those we look in on when off duty whom we hospitalized during work with broken ribs and fractured skulls," he said softly yet without hint of regret. "It's all in a day's work, you know?" he sighed.

Now with the opening of the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis, a number of police there have been spotted wearing the latest jackboots. Reminiscent of World War II aristocratic Nazi officer's riding boots they come not only with the traditional 'skull buster' steel toes, their steel plated 'rib-cracker' heels add an ominous warning as they march in storm trooper unison toward unruly anarchists like yesterday's "Democracy Now!" - Amy Goodman mob . A mild jingling from the George Bush wild, wild west, "bring 'em in dead or alive" spurs add an extra twist of terror to rioters as police approach, so anxious to show off their authority and latest fall fashions.

As one Minneapolis officer said of his new softer leathered boots, "These are so much more comfortable, I feel like I could do this my entire shift," demonstrating his "Let me kick you hard with my hate" technique.

Anyone busted or broken by our nation's men and women in black (and blue) and who may have noticed other fashion statements in the process, please feel free to share them here.


Border Explorer said...

I'm impressed, Dada. This fashion feature tells me that you're in touch with your inner feminine side and not afraid to show it.
You da MAN!

Fran said...

Apparently the Accessory *to-die-for*, is the ability to freely distribute FELONY charges.
Because it shows enhanced POWER. It is all the rage in Federal Law Enforcement circles, local law enforcement officials are running with the trend.

Misdemeanors are so boring!

A person convicted of a felony faces the following consequences:

• loss of voting rights in many states
• exclusion from certain lines of work and difficulty in finding a job in others
• prohibition from obtaining certain licenses; exclusion from purchase and possession of firearms, ammunition and body armour
• ineligibility to run for or be elected to public office
• Civil sanctions imposed on United States citizens convicted of a felony in many states include the loss of competence to serve on a grand or petit jury

Just yesterday alone 119 felonies were charged in RNC land.


PTCruiser said...

Where can I get a pair of those jackboots? I MUST have them. Tres chic!

thailandchani said...

Ugh! I had noticed the police looking more "gestapo-ish" lately. Little did I know it was a fashion statement! :)


Utah Savage said...

Expect to see lovely new fall colors for the Tazor. I rather be shot with a real gun than fried by a pink tazor.

Agi said...

Nice jack boots! Can't have a fascist police state without them...

Mariamariacuchita said...

I take a rare comfort in the fact that law enforcement has the latest brown shirt styles to match the force now being applied to all dissenters.

HA!! I even heard that a FOX News crew was arrested at the RNC.

It's now equal opportunity oppression!!