Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Kristinanity revisited

(NOTE: This is an updated post which originally appeared on Dada's in August, 2006.)

Image from fear of clowns

Today's image comes from a parallel Universe just three doors down from our own. It's a matriarchal Universe and there exists therein a small speck of a planet where the followers of the prevalent religion consider themselves "Kristins".

Named for Kristin, their martyred savior, it's a world devoid of war, which I suppose is good. But Kristins suffer--much as all religions universally--from extremist elements on their fanatical fringe.

While often accused of suppressing open and free thinking among adherents, they are also credited with the peace enjoyed by citizens of their planet. It is thought this stems from the universally implicit threat to any male child or man caught playing with plastic toy soldiers, tanks, or possessing models of F-16's, or who are caught enjoying video war games, found to have "Soldier of Fortune" magazines under their mattresses, or who play with their missiles. Such discoveries are dealt with by harsh retributions. Castration!

While seemingly extreme, one must admit there are currently no innocent men, women, children born--or unborn--being slaughtered needlessly anywhere in Kristindom. That's because there are no Kristin priestesses or their followers advocating the compassionate massacres of non-Kristins in the name of Kristin's mother, "Goddess."

George Bush and Dick Cheney should be thankful they do not live in this parallel universe. If they did, they would be known as "George Bush and Dick Cheney, The Eunuchs!" These two would be the leaders of a whole list of Bush administration eunuchs to include, Donald Rumsfeld, George Tenet, Colin Powell, Karl Rove, Richard Perle (a personal favorite of Dada's) and, of course, Condoleezza Rice, a former Chevron Oil Tanker.


D.K. Raed said...

What about the Kristinverse explains the weirdness of the assorted legs under the table? Not to mention the lack of any obvious chair support. Is it some subtle hint of the missing underpinnings of war that support our universe?

dada said...

Keen observation, d.k. You suppose being in a universe of less gravity, the need for chairs is replaced by the need for everyone to have a least one leg under the table (affixed to the floor) to brace against so's to avoid floating up through the ceiling?