Friday, April 25, 2008

Cat got your tongue?

Sorry, no. Actually, the hammer got my thumb. As a result, I'm not quite as keyboard verbose today as usual. And what I'm saying, I'm saying real slowly.

You see, yesterday I was a very bad carpenter. Making a minor repair on a roof beam, I accidentally slammed the hammer down on my thumb instead of the nail I was driving. Just for a moment, the pain made me think of another carpenter, Jesus Christ! And I wondered if Jesus ever hit his thumb with a hammer instead of hitting the nail on the head?

But the thumb pain was only momentary and I resumed my hammering. With extra caution. Or so I thought.

It was only minutes later I again missed the nail. This time I took out my left forefinger. After moments of cursing to myself, I noticed blood droplets staining the sidewalk below my ladder. I again thought of Jesus. Could he have been this bad as a carpenter? And, if so, did he make such pronouncements as I was now making under my breath?

I don't know about that, but the strangest thing was happening. In the extreme anguish of the moment, I was making prophecies! Yes, I declared such things as, "I'll be damned!" and "I'll be a son of a bitch!"

I hope I was wrong, but this morning I'm nervous. That's because, so far, half of yesterday's prophetic proclamations have come true.


eProf2 said...

Hey, man, all I can say is you'd better stay off the ladder for awhile. First paint splotches and now hammered fingers, all done from the perch of a ladder. Have a great weekend -- off the ladder.

Fran said...

Jesus Christ or Mr. Magoo.... you decide.

dada said...

eprof - fran: You know, you both make good points here. I like the Magoo option, Fran, but you know - honestly - I must tell you, there's nothing wrong with my vision. That's leaves another possibility though, doesn't it? I'm klutzy!

Despite having always prided myself for being more meticulous than this, my recent sloppiness and self - mutilations seem to indicate otherwise.

OK, so I owe you a note of appreciation here, eProf. (I don't know why it didn't occur to me until you mentioned it.)

I have cancelled all hammer flights until I can retrospect and correct the process. In may be necessary to refit nails to be driven with pliers holding same instead of fingers.

Whatever the solution, the hammering ban worked wonderfully yesterday. Absolutely no injuries to report. Thanks!

Cart said...

I'm just wondering what Jesus Christ said when hit whacked his digit. I'm also wondering, if you are suddenly so prophetic, if the blood splotches formed a perfect face of said saviour?
I rather like miracles, and of course they invariably come out of tragedies. I mean you wouldn't need to turn wine into wine, or raise a live man from the dead.
I think you seriously need a business manager right now to capitalise on the mysteries you will unleash on a gullible public. Please remit fairs and arrange accommodation while I pack my bags.

dada said...

Cart: I'm afraid you raised a conundrum I'll likely ponder all day long, i.e., when hitting his hand with a hammer instead of a nail, "What would Jesus have said?"

I'm just back from checking the sidewalk bloodstains. Sadly, I can make no meaningful image from their random placement. (However, I must report, they appear to be as permanent as the paint stains I left the day before -- it may be it's a work in progress?)

Before remitting tickets for an agent (not a bad idea actually), best we see if this is but a temporary phase, this "Oracle of El Paso" because I checked plane fares and while already having mucked up a hand, I sure as hell don't want to lose and arm and a leg!