I don't know how many years men across the nation have had the option to buy an electric shaver with settings for 15 different skin sensitivities. How fortunate we are to live in such a great country that offers us the luxury to sample 15 different razor settings to find the one that best suits each different face. So, after settling on just the right one, I wonder what folks do with the other 14 settings they never use? Can they return the 14 they don't use for a partial refund?
I've never seen anyone with 15 different faces that would require such diversity in a shaver. Granted, we've all known a few that are two-faced.
Anyway, just a couple of months ago, Gillette introduced their newest men's product, the Gillette Fusion Power razor and the quality of life in the United States shot up dramatically. Fifteen to twenty percent by most estimates. For men, that is. That's because the new Fusion Power razor has five blades to shave your one face!
There was a lot of anticipation of this new product among most Americans prior to its introduction. That's because the Fusion was to have blades spaced 30 percent closer than in its Gillette predecessor, the MACH3Turbo shaving system. This is an incredible technological breakthrough!
Fusion's inevitability was sealed after Schick had launched a four-bladed razor, the Quattro, last year. And who'll ever forget the long lines of (mostly) men (and a few hirsute women) queued outside Wal-Marts in the darkness on that cold pre-dawn morning this past January, each jockeying for position to be among the first to use five blades of steel to shave their faces (and legs). Sadly, there was the one unfortunate death that morning outside a Walgreens of a premature pre-teen 11 year old trampled to death with a mustache.
I guess I was reminded of all this by news today from Ziploc, maker of those plastic storage bags. Ziploc has just introduced New Ziploc® Double Guard® Freezer Bags with the Double Zipper Seal. That's right, it has two zippers! And what is the reason for this latest piece of American ingenuity? Well, as Ziploc® reminds us, with two zippers on every plastic bag, your "Food stays fresher. Life stays organized. So you can spend more time with what's really important - family, friends and fun."
WAIT, WAIT: I did NOT make that Ziploc testimony up. Read it again. It's on their website. "Food stays fresher. Life stays organized. So you can spend more time with what's really important - family, friends and fun." Honest to god!
Well, what can I say? This is American technology at its highest. When you can increase spare time to devote to quality of life priorities like that, it's no wonder we're the envy of the rest of the world; why terrorists hate us; why we're at war with 'em!
Well, on news of this, I marched into my wife to announce, "When they come out with a triple zipper zip lock bag--probably by Glad--that's it, I'm slitting my wrists!" (My days are definitely numbered.)
She then reminded me that was something I was supposed to have done using the new Gillette Fusion Power razor's five bladed shaver when it appeared on the market. I'd forgotten.
"You'll have to smother yourself instead," she said, "with a triple zippered zip lock storage bag." I knew she was right.
"Well," I conceded, "at least it'll have a good seal."