Monday, June 21, 2010

Playing the Glad Game

FACT: "According to McClatchy Newspapers, the Department of Interior has issued at least five waivers exempting companies from environmental reviews for Gulf drilling this month!" (emphasis mine) 

"The administration says three of the waivers were for existing projects that were previously approved." (Democracy Now!) -- 

(Dada note: Besides, all five exemptions had already been paid for with generous political contributions by corporate pimps to their government representative whores of we, "the little people.")

Gulf Coast vacationing, summer 2010: Watching carefully to avoid stepping in some gooey shit that belongs in your
 gas tank and not twixt your toes; wearing protection against the nauseating stench and stink of substances that have 
been fermenting in the Earth's innards for millions of years, there may be something positive to come out of this all!

Rather than focus on the negative, maybe we should try as Monty Python so melodically advised us all to do, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life." Think of  Pollyanna's "Glad Game" that seeks something to be glad about in every situation, for example, regarding summer 2010 vacations on Gulf Coast beaches:

Glad things to come out of the 2010 Gulf oil "leak":

- When swimming in the tar balls, no more worry about the danger  of sharks!

- With benzene and  methane clouds hovering low over the beaches, sun block is no longer necessary!

-  By 2011 (and this is really exciting as the ocean's oil contamination spreads), the  economic collapse of all sushi bars!!

If my Pollyanna "Glad Game" has failed to cheer you up, perhaps you should consider the alternative. For those who just can't abide the cheerier side of life, I've taken the liberty to revive a few lines from National  Lampoon's "Deteriorata"   below with Dada's updating to maintain its modern relevance: 
National Lampoon's Deteriorata: 

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Deteriorata, Deteriorata) 

Go placidly amidst the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. 
Know what to kiss - and when. ....

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.)

Be assured that a walk through the seas of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. But a walk on a Gulf beach will leave you cursing.

Gracefully surrender the things of youth: the birds, clean air, tuna, your United States  - and let not the sands of time, or oil,  get in your lunch. 

Take heart in the deepening gloom....and reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Detroit.
(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.) 

Therefore, make peace with your god, whatever you perceive him to be: hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. GIVE UP! 

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.)


D.K. Raed said...

OMG I didn't think it was possible to find such good things we are all about to enjoy from the oil spill! no more shark worries and no more sushi (ok here I am outed as having never acquired a taste for such delicacies).

No more noisy seagulls grabbing our beach sandwiches. No more having to be careful when stepping on certain beaches to avoid turtle & bird egg nests ... no need for sunscreen because the oil provides a thick protective layer through which neither sun nor water nor even oxygen can penetrate, plus continued use might make your skin baby soft again--you know that product ad is already in the works! ... when your car is low on gas, just wring out your beach clothes into the gas tank ... the list goes on.

Deteriorata ... between the time it was written and now, the universe has ceased to laugh behind our backs and is now expelling full blast belly laughs right in our faces ... and we can definitely HEAR it ... it sounds like ocean waves with a hint of death.

Dada said...

Deke: Thanks for the additional Glad Game oil spill benefits.

I was listening to Dr. Peter Ward, a paleontologist and professor of Biology and Earth and Space Sciences at the University of Washington, the other night on the radio.

Specializing in the Cretaceous–Tertiary extinction event and mass extinctions in general, he discussed the ramifications of the current oil "leak" and its potential to hasten rising sea levels and expedition of vanishing life forms within the current mass extinction we find ourselves so "immersed" in (ugh, pun intended, I guess).

Among the many possible other 'benefits' he expressed concern for were the massive quantity of poisonous hydrogen sulfide gas that will be produced as the oil breaks down or a lightning strike of a methane cloud over Miami (with the hope the U.S. doesn't mistake its cause and launch a retaliatory nuclear strike against Russia, Iran, Israel, etc., etc. are enemies are numerous and growing prolifically.

But if we look at this within the context of the Glad Game, maybe anything that expedites humanity's banishment from the face of the Earth may produced an unexpected 'happy happening' to any living things that survives humanity's folly (assuming there WILL be SOMETHING - an assumption one must make to play Polyanna's game, right?)

Dada said...

Oh, and then there's the news this morning that federal judge Martin Feldman (is that the same old Marty "Money can't buy poverty"
Feldman from the 60s?!) will study the oil companies lawsuit against Obama's 6 mo. drilling ban and render a decision by noon tomorrow (Wednesday -- my such swift justice!).

Jesus, what a courageous man (or does he simply have a death wish?) Seems to me any decision handed down will put him in danger from either side he might rule against?

Dada said...

After watching the evening news (Tues. 6/22), it's obvious Dada doesn't have a clue when it comes to even beginning to grasp the scope or dynamic of the unfolding Gulf oil spill.

Sooner than even promised, Judge Martin Feldman has overthrown the Obama administration's 6 mo. ban on oil Gulf drilling (which was likely just for public consumption anyway).

Meanwhile, high critic of Obama's handling of the spill, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal, welcomed a federal judge's ruling urging the Obama administration NOT to challenge it (thus allowing Gulf oil workers to return to work) while the lives of those dependent on the gulf for its rich bounty of sea harvests + plus coastal Gulf residents whose way of lives have been destroyed are reduced to spill reduction, shore clean-up (shades of those generous and courageous 9/11 workers and volunteers whose next breaths depends on oxygen tanks), or just moving away, leaving me to suspect its all economics with the lowest on the econ totem pole the first to be sacrificed.

"Onward and upward!" (or, "Ugh!", business as usual -- for a while longer, at least!!)

Fran said...

I was mortified the other day when they showed footage of a Florida beach where they were scraping oil off the beach & in the background,
some kids were playing fully immersed in the water!

Do the parents not realize if the oil is floating in , so too is the chemical dispersant???

Either oil or chemical, don't think either is healthy. I'd be taking the kids to the chlorinated park pool.

So here are some Glad Game items:

• Children!!! You've been bad- now go swim in the Gulf of Mexico.

• No more worries about tainted sushi..... it's ALL tainted now.

• Politicians on the take always float to the top. We can easily see which ones are in the pocket of big oil. (effing Joe Barton!)

Fran said...

I posted a little something for Judge Feldman.... apparently he does not get the picture.
Reasons! He needs reasons???

What planet is he living on???

D.K. Raed said...

I'm confused. I thought the proposed moratorium was on any NEW drilling. But the argument for continued drilling was jobs. I don't get it. The same jobs are there, aren't they? Wouldn't a moratorium on new drilling only have affected future jobs? Aren't all those 4,000+ oil rigs out in the G of M still operating as they always have, employing as many people as they always did? Obviously I have misunderstood some basic principle!

Now this so-called judge confuses me even further by stopping the moratorium ... and the politicians whose peckers are in the pockets of big oil (or in the case of mary landrieu, whatever fun word she uses for her pecker equivalent) are saying to the WH "don't appeal". Say wha? Appealing court decisions is The American Way!

D.K. Raed said...

ps, you know I was riffing off a famous LBJ quote, right? my conversation is not normally so peppered with the p-word!

Dada said...

Fran: It wasn't a nightmare that awoke me around 0300 this morning but, after lying awake for a bit, it was my decision to pick up an iPod and read about the Gulf Coast that I began feeding my psyche for future nightmares yet to come.

There is no telling the extent this major event is damaging everything, including ourselves. The benzene (linked to leukemia and DNA damage) in the dispersants applied, breakdown of oil into atmospheric sulfuric acids, and the incredibly volatile methane as liquid, as gas). I was reading of the sudden jump in unexplained illnesses in the region (that are being closely tracked, if not as widely reported).

To be on a beach (with children!) is probably justification to be sterilized to prevent placing any future innocent kids in harm's way.

Or, OR...maybe not. Maybe this in one of those rare flash points that trigger the sudden, rapid, evolution of a Homo sapiens successor? One that can live off a diet of tar balls and benzene fumes?

Dada said...

Deke: As I understand it, the moratorium halted those platforms currently drilling out in the Gulf. (I saw the figure, but forgot it: 33? more? less?)

But thank you so much for explaining your comment was leaning heavily on the LBJ quote. I was just marvelling at how your vernacular resembled that of some old-time hardline 'good ol' boy' pol. And after several amusing moments contemplating that part of your comment with your link of it to senator Landrieu in the same sentence, I was raring to unleash similar such language in comments within this thread.

Thanks for clarifying and pulling in my reins before I actually did so. (Hmm, Mary Landrieu, having always begin an enigmatic favorite "whipping boy" senator of Dada's. ~grin)

D.K. Raed said...

LBJ had so many colorful phrases that have stuck in my head over the yrs, the pecker one being a favorite due to its perfect imagery in a young teen's imperfect mind. But never censor yourself on my acct, dada. When it comes to juvenile wordplay, mark me down as a fan.

mary landrieu deserves whipping and more (I accidentally just typo'd "shipping" and now think that may have been more appropriate since landreiu might enjoy "whipping" but could never be sure where she might end up if "shipped", like maybe at the bottom of an oil gusher).

I guess I still don't understand job loss on wells that aren't even drilled yet (but will now be drilled if judge feldman successfully stops an appeal, such stop being a sure sign of an activist judge, usually so reviled but valuable when they are actively ruling in one's favor). There are about 4,000 oil rigs in US controlled G of M waters right now. Not all are active (unlike judge feldman).