Dada's advice for Americans: "Drop 'em, bend over and spread 'em!" (aka, "What the army taught me.")

"Drop 'em, bend over and spread 'em!" was one of the earliest commands given me as a new army recruit. It came within an hour or two of my taking the oath to serve, leaving me to question the wisdom of what I had just done. While humiliating, I wasn't alone. That's because 40 or so others comprised the large circle of which I now occupied about 9 embarrassing degrees.

It's an incredible experience staring about a circle of forty total strangers, shorts dropped to their ankles bent over pulling the cheeks of their hind ends apart for some authority figure to gaze up and into.

But in retrospect I realize what a valuable experience that was. That's because, during my next three years in the brotherhood with my army comrades, there would be a number of moments of embarrassment and extreme indignation that often followed such unexpected times.

I really don't know exactly what some recruitment center NCO was looking for up the assholes towering above the forty bent over heads embracing their ankles. But I suspect it wasn't so much hemorrhoids, or whatever, as it was a subversion of one's independence, individuality or maybe just some salacious, subconscious place for the sergeants to park their dicks.

Forgive me. I should have prefaced this blog with a warning but I figured, "Oh, what the fuck! What warnings are we being given about the salacious insane lustings of our Big Dick of a vice-president to ram his member down the ass of yet another nation--Iran?"

In yesterday's paper there was a story about a reservist appealing his impending fifth deployment to Iraq or Afghanistan. (He's been in Iraq thrice, Afghanistan once.) He has no problem with the wars over there, he just thinks he could better serve us all in the war cause here as a civilian, lending his wisdom to a defense contractor. Fine. I have no problem whether he goes or stays, he's just the type soldier we need in Iraq. But I think his impending fifth deployment speaks to how thinly stretched our military is for an administration's agenda built on its insane desire for global sexual domination by a bunch of impotent chickenshit warhawks.

I don't think our Big Dick and little "Fart Boy" plan a ground invasion of Iran, just a total oblivion of that country by bombs dropped from the safety of the upper reaches of the lower atmosphere by missiles and manned aircraft. Of course, there will likely be Iranian repercussions for our troops in Iraq and on ships in the Persian Gulf, but that's nothing cheney--Bush concern themselves with. (Although Bush does "appreciate the sacrifice" of each and every "hero" lost over there.)

Yet, as disgusting as the news of our impending destruction of Iran is, I ponder, "What the fuck will be the reactions of Americans?" And that's where I feel I have an edge-up on most of them, because years ago I was obediently trained to "Drop 'em, bend over and spread 'em!" as some asshole peers up mine.