Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Bush's Magic Balls™!

With the citizenry rejecting Bush's call to stay the course for victory in Iraq in November's elections, to a divided, questioning congress, a reluctant Pentagon and generals in the field in Iraq shunning Bush's offer of more troops without a plan (plans are not Bush's forte), the president has decided to do what he's always done when someone disagrees with what he wants. Ignore the bastards!

But this is causing much consternation across the nation.

And so, in an effort to reduce president Bush's adversaries when deciding policy, Dada suggests a less controversial course of action.

Rather than engaging the false pretense of caring what the fuck the American majority wants, further emasculating an already impotent congress, ignoring his own Iraq Study Group's recommendations, pissing off the pentagon and firirg career American field generals in Iraq, Bush should simply procure himself a pair of Magic 8 Balls!

With two--one in each hand--consensus can be expedited when asking "SHOULD AMERICAN SOLDIERS SACRIFICE SOME MORE FOR IRAQ?"* Oh sure, Americans will still be upset when the answer comes up "yes", but not as much as now where Bush pretends to care what they think.

And Bush can tell us we are going to have to sacrifice (again) (more) (longer) because he has the balls to prove it!

*For those too young to remember Magic 8 Balls, there are 20 possible answers one can get to any yes-no question one might ask. My thanks to Answers.com for the following information:

* Signs point to yes.
* Yes.
* Most likely.
* Without a doubt.
* Yes - definitely.
* As I see it, yes.
* You may rely on it.
* Outlook good.
* It is certain.
* It is decidedly so.
* Reply hazy, try again.
* Better not tell you now.
* Ask again later.
* Concentrate and ask again.
* Cannot predict now.
~and finally,
* My sources say no.
* Very doubtful.
* My reply is no.
* Outlook not so good.
* Don't count on it.

Note of the 20 possible answers, 10 are positive "yes" type answers, 5 are vague, and 5 are "no" thus greatly reducing the likelihood Bush's question would receive a negative answer. But in the event it did, he could simply disregard that consensus, like he does with real people and roll his balls again until he receives the desired consensus he is seeking.


D.K. Raed said...

Hah! I know the odds are against it, but if he gets "Concentrate and ask again" that should tie his brain up for the duration, don'cha think? ~~ D.K.

dada said...

Maybe not. "Concentrate and ask again" may be beyond his reading comprehension level. He'll probably just flip his balls and try again for an answers he can understand. Like "Yes!"

D.K. Raed said...

Yes, I'm not sure why I feel compelled to tune in for his speech tomorrow, except to be stupified yet again. But I tell you one thing, if I see a Magic 8 Ball on his prezzy desk, I'll know exactly where he's been consulting! It sure ain't with US. ~~ D.K.

enigma4ever said...

So you finally found HIS BALLS..wow...now I didn't see the response I was looking for...the little tiny "FUCK YOU"....
and yeah, this might solve the whole situation....

What I really am hoping for is...that the DEMS find their Brass Balls...( or some sort of mettalurgical wonder... or fucking miracle...)

and I am hoping and praying that Pelosi is not the only one that has Brass Ones...

yeah Dada, come over to the Cafe on Wed night- it is Open Thread - or Heave Your Worst ....I thought if we all spew at the same time - it might help...

PoliShifter said...

I think Bush already has procured said magic 8 balls.

In fact, I think he's been running our government with them since 2001

I think a few things are missing though like:

"stat the course"

"Saddam - 9/11"

"better to fight them over there"


"I'm The Decider"

"This would be a heckuvalot easier if this were a dictatorship...so long as I'm the dictator..."

ELJOVEN said...

Dada, Doing my dada catch-up thing...
Sorry to break your balls (a la Sopranos)but what IS this US "majority" against Bush's war? Recall, "defeat is an orphan." If "victory" had been achieved in a year or two, or if "victory" is achieved upon the "surge" we'd be witnessing a "majority" in support of Bush. Alas, there has been no major shift in terms of the morality, ethics or legality of the war. I wish it were otherwise but we in the US like our wars to be quick, high-tech and "clean" on TV, like a video game. One wonders what the "majority" of our compatriots would say if "only" say, 50 Americans had been killed, notwithstanding the tens of thousands of Iraqi casualties. Eljoven, breaking some balls.

enigma4ever said...

Elijoven- I don't understand WHAT you are saying- Bush' s war has been a Disaster since day one- and according to lates polls- yeah WE THE PEOPLE do not support the Evil Delusional King- it does not have a damn thing to do with "Americans like high tech quick endings ". It has to do with Leadership that has lied and schemed and killed Thousands Needlessly. 300 dead and tortured Iraqis found lying on the Streets of Bahgdad in 10 days this month. This shows the "leadership" of Iraq is not in control of their own country. 400,000 Iraqis have been trained - and they can not prevent blood from flowing in Bagdad ? WHY?
And Our Increased Occupation will not help this situation...If we the people keep giving this Delusional King more and more troops and more money- we are letting this monster run our country into the ground, and sacrficed OUR flesh and blood.
Let him send his damn slutty daughters if he is so hellbent on Victory.

ONLY 11% support Bush's "Statergery" at this point - after his speech- I bet it will be single digits...

Time to bring the Troops Home- NOW.