Speak shtickly and carry a big soft!

Quote of the day from vice president Dick Cheney speaking on Belarus:

"Peaceful demonstrators have been beaten, dissidents have vanished and a climate of fear prevails under a government that subverts free elections... there is no place in a Europe whole and free for a regime of this kind."

(Which probably explains why the United States is in North America. ~Dada)

*********************

Well our Big Dick has turned up again. Not in some underground bunker buried deep beneath the bowels of Washington as the nation's being attacked by its own airliners. Nor is he at his Wyoming vacation grounds safely distanced from any coastline with incoming Katrina-force hurricanes.

Why, he's not even off on a weekend of fun in the marshes of Texas swilling beers and pelting lawyers with buckshot. No, this time he's in Vilnius, Lithuania, taking his show on the road in a six day "pro-democracy tour" at a summit meeting of Baltic and Black Sea leaders.

Ala President Theodore Roosevelt's, "Speak softly and carry a big stick," Cheney's trying out his latest routine. But unlike Teddy's advice to "suggest" to others atop moral high ground backed with authority, it appears he's gotten it contorted as evidenced by his Thursday admonitions to Russia.

Instead of "suggesting", our Big Dick seemed to be threatening. And instead of standing atop "moral high ground," it's become obvious to the rest of the world that in the last five years, Cheney's moral mound was nothing but quicksand. His once feared "authority" as advanced by his overextended and undermanned military has become corrupted and bankrupt, just like his nation.

No, as has become increasingly obvious to more and more citizens of his own country, we no longer can "Speak softly and carry a big stick." Big Dick must instead "Speak shtickly and carry a big soft."

His shtick included warning the Russians about "backsliding on democracy". Now I know that Cheney, Bush, Rumsfeld, Rice all live with their wagons tightly circled. But before Dick runs off overseas with his new act, maybe he should step outside his small circle of huge, over armored, under mileaged, steel-plated black SUVs and rub elbows with Joe and Jane Citizen back home. They might have some opinions that would just shock the hell outta Big Dick. Maybe he'd gain a new perspective on the real "backsliders of democracy".

But I'm sure Cheney's stand-up got some real laughs and snickers from those present. He just didn't see or hear 'em. That's because they were behind his back after the show.

Cheney also used his routine to chide Russia on the use of its enormous resources. He urged them to stop using energy supplies for "blackmail" or what is often referred to in Washington as "bullying its neighbors". I'm sure that got some real nervous chuckles and eyeballs rolling.

From that, it might appear Dick is suffering a kind of psychological perversion of penis envy. Cheney might do well to first order his own house before trying to order someone elses, i.e., it's bad when Russia, who has oil, uses it to advance their own national interests, but when Cheney, who has none, tries to steal it from other countries, calls it "spreading democracy".

Well, that's quite a show going on over in Vilnius. It's a warm-up and fine tuning of our Big Dick's act before he delivers it in July in St. Petersburg. I'm sure it's gonna get a lot of laughs when it plays in Russia. Mostly because it's not the least bit funny.

(Quotes courtesy of Reuters on Excite)