Wednesday, May 24, 2006

American orthotics

ORANGE HEAD IMMOBILIZER
Fits all standard trauma boards, scoop stretchers,
and recliners near TV news channels

I don't know if there's enough cartilege left between the vertabrae to last me two and 1/2 more years, judging from my increasing pain in the neck. It comes from shaking my head whenever I hear the president admonishing others for not being more like us! (Let's hold on to our caps and straps kiddies. Bronco Bush rides again!)

Bush Warns of “Erosion of Democracy” in Venezuela & Bolivia

President Bush warned Monday that Venezuela and Bolivia are suffering from what he described as an “erosion of democracy.”

Bush’s comments come a week after the U.S. cut off military sales to Venezuela and three weeks after Bolivia announced it would nationalize its natural gas resources.

Bush said he had a message for Venezuela, Bolivia and other nations in the hemisphere.

President Bush: I am going to continue to remind our hemisphere that respect for property rights and human rights is essential for all countries in order for there to be prosperity and peace. I'm going to remind our allies and friends in the neighborhood that the United States of America stands for justice; that when we see poverty, we care about it and we do something about it; that we care for good -- we stand for good health care. I'm going to remind our people that meddling in other elections is -- to achieve a short-term objective is not in the interests of the neighborhood.”

The most common thought I'm having while losing my cartilege goes something like, "Where does he get this shit?" followed by a close second, "What idiots believe this shit?"

Maybe Bush's admonition to emerging nations like Venezuela and its president, Hugo Chavez, are simply Bush lashing out in envy. I mean, Chavez has mucho oil, Bush has none. Or maybe it's because Chavez accomplished something Bush has yet to do. Be elected by the people in an honest election. Or, or...maybe Bush is just upset because Chavez clings to some archaic idea that the oil beneath Venezuelan's feet should belong to Venezuelans and not the United States of America! (Yeh, I know, that's really demented thinking there.)

Inevitably I conclude the president, his followers, his congress that supports him, and the media that believe this shit, who report this bullshit straight-faced without question have their heads in very dark places indeed. But that's not the area or orifice I want to talk about today. I'm more concerned about the other end of the spinal cord that begins at the cranium. Of possible orthopedic devices that may save the nation much pain.

A few years ago, I would have thought the easiest solution to easing our pain and increasing our comfort zone was to simply analyze our president's defects (which was done) and discard him for a new one. Obviously analyses abounded, but were disregarded as evidenced by the November '04 "landslide" reaffirming the nation's commitment to insanity.

But maybe we could all be spared placing our heads in braces to save our necks if Bush just got out more.

I mean with the real people. Appearing before approving oddiences that have been carefully pre-screened by the FBI, NSA, or whatever doesn't give him a real sense of the pain we're in out here. Motorcading past citizens with major pain in their necks, demonstrating their anger in "free speech zones" several miles removed from his motorcade route, doesn't either. We all know how it works here.

But take a listen to what it was like for poor ol' Bush on a recent visit to India, trying to find the right people, just any people that he might speak before. Here's how our president communed with the people of the world's largest "democracy" according to Arundhati Roy on yesterday's "Democracy Now".

Well, the strange thing was that before he came, they wanted him to address a joint house of Parliament, but some members of Parliament said that they would heckle him and that it would be embarrassing for him to come there.

So then they thought they would ask him to address a public meeting at the Red Fort, which is in Old Delhi, which is where the Prime Minister of India always gives his independence day speech from, but that was considered unsafe, because Old Delhi is full of Muslims, and you know how they think of all Muslims as terrorists.

So then they thought, “Okay, we’ll do it in Vigyan Bhawan, which is a sort of state auditorium, but that was considered too much of a comedown for the U.S. President.

So funnily enough, they eventually settled on him speaking in Purana Qila, which is the Old Fort, which houses the Delhi zoo. And it was really from there that -- and, of course, it wasn't a public meeting. It was the caged animals and some caged CEOs that he addressed.

And then he went to Hyderabad, and I think he met a buffalo there, some special kind of buffalo, because there is a picture of Bush and the buffalo in all the papers.*


Actually this would be rather humorous if it wasn't indicative that Bush doesn't limit himself to just giving Americans a pain in the neck. Enter the "Orange Head Immobilizer."

Obviously the nation can't afford to supply each and every American suffering from this pain in the neck with an "Orange Head Immobilizer." The nation, since being bankrupted, can't afford that. Besides with 45 million Americans uninsured and that number growing, Bush just isn't into healthcare for Americans like other nations such as Chavez is for his fellow Venezuelans.

But there's a simpler and much cheaper solution. That's what I'd like to suggest here. See, we need only buy one "Orange Head Immobilizer." That's because there's a simple attachment that can be placed on the "Orange Head Immobilizer." It's a polyethelene mandible support that can be attached. Adjustable to an individual patient's unique jawline, it can be set to render the jaw immobile.

I suggest all of we Americans suffering from this major pain in the neck, chip in a purchase an "Orange Head Immobilizer" with the polyethelene mandible support attachment set in the immobile position for president Bush.

"Voila!" Instant relief for millions of American's suffering from Bush induced neck traumas.

In a future blog, maybe we can discuss resolving American's collective pain in the ass!

* Attribution: Arundhati Roy

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Perfect! Set Bush in the immobile speechless position & we can all rest our ears at least. I admit, at first, i thought you meant us, we the people, should just shut up & stare speechlessly at this whole freakin' charade. That thought left me quietly stunned thinking you had gentled yourself a little too far! Glad I re-read that part.

and re: nationalizing oil resources ... a few years ago, I heard some foreign journalist(forget exactly who) laying out our whole involvement in iraq going back to saddam's predecessor karim kassim, who had wanted to nationalize iraq's oil. well, you know we can't be allowing that sort of thing, might give bad ideas to other countries. So, of course, we promoted saddam's taking down Kassim, intending to keep him as a puppet beholden to U.S. & therefore useful for our oil needs. But Saddam was a predator, like Cronos eating his own children (still useful to US though). He managed to hang around just long enough to give baby bush a reason to export his own peculiar brand of Cronos-ism. Your comments about Bush's reaction to Venezuela or Bolivia attempting to nationalize their oil seems to justify that analysis. D.K.

Goody said...

Every once in a while (and you really need your waders on to get through most of it) Bush gives us a glimpse of what he's really thinking (no, that's not the start of a joke, though it could be). Might sound like a slip-up on the surface, but look closer and you hit on some accuracy:

"We're for property rights."

Well, yes-he is. So much so, that destruction of property is now considered terrorism (as with some of the Earth First convictions). Not my property, or yours, or the poor people of New London getting bulldozed for an office park. But corporate property, corporate ownership...yeah, he's right-the US is all for property rights.

Of course the rest of his speech was utter nonsense. Now I know how I got that herniated disk in my neck.

Charlie Haddox said...

I admit not keeping up with you on a daily basis, but I try to look in regularly. As usual you are not only on-target but with an eloquence that puts the Fox News and talk radio (excepting Air America)clowns to shame. Maybe the one silver lining of the Iraq War is that it's kept us from (so far) invading Venezuela and Bolivia.

dada said...

goody: Enjoyed your comment. And thanks for picking on our president's reassurance of "our" property rights. Not that anyone much gives a tinker's damn (until their house is bulldozed for the next strip mall or luxury condos).

Appreicate your anger seasoned with a hint of humor. As long as there remains one angry person *free*, there remains the seeds of rev-o looshun and hope. (Oh Christ, I suppose that goes in my flippin' dossier now, huh?)

Dada (formerly a citizen, now superceded by Louisiana Pacific)

dada said...

Charlie!! It took a second before it hit me! It's you!! I saw you at the barricades in March and had hoped to at least say "Hi," but you were well engaged by the Salis-Samade regiment.

So glad you made it through to fight another day. Viva la revolucion and thanks for the most kind words.

Nona said...

Dada,

I'm so glad you picked this up. I saw the same report on Democracy Now and my hypocrisy meter went off.

I noted that Bush said something about protecting property rights and human rights. I think in Bush World the word "human" is a euphemism for corporate entities. I don't think he's familiar with human, humane or any other variations of the word, especially coupled with "rights".

I'm worried about Eva Morales and Hugo Chavez. I read that the Venezuelan army is preparing for an invasion by the U.S.

dada said...

Nona: I'm going to be sooo livid if/when we overthrow Chavez.

It's only a matter of time, if we don't clean our own house, someone else's going to clean our house for us.

And one more thing while I'm at it. Being of French descent, I'm tired of the abuse heaped on my ancestors. Things like calling them 'surrender monkeys', ...of president Bush standing up before the nation and quoting Alexis de Toqueville this week after stirring up anti-French sentiment because they didn't support our stinkin' war, renaming our French fries and toast "Freedom", etc.

Sure, a couple times challenged, the French surrendered their arms. The first damn time Americans are challenged on their own soil, we surrender our Bill of Rights, our liberté! This causes me to ponder who's the real 'surrender monkeys' here?

Sorry, thank you for your patience. Stepping down off the soapbox now.

Anonymous said...

No surrender, dada:

"We made a promise,
Swore we'd always remember:
No retreat, baby,
No surrender."
--B. Springsteen

Should I start stocking the bunker? D.K.

dada said...

Thanks for the 'reinforcements DK!

Yes, a well stocked bunker appears to be the requirement because it looks like we're in this for the long haul.