Bush as suitor

We all know Bush is on a well orchestrated PR campaign, spinning his unlawful activities as necessary to keep us safe.

Well, as I listened to Bush answer reporter's questions about his spying on American's on Keith Olbermann the other night, my imagination began to wander. I found myself drifting off, "What if Bush were a salesman? Would I buy a car from him?

BUSH: But you know I want to make sure that people understand that if, if - if - if - if the attempt to write law—makes this program—is likely to expose the nature of the program, I'll resist it. I mean - and I think the American people understand that. Why tell the enemy what we're doing? If the program is necessary to protect us from the enemy? And it is. And it's legal. And we'll continue to brief Congress and we review it a lot. And we review it not only at the Justice Department but with a good legal staff inside NSA. Yeah?

If I boarded an American flight for Dallas and, before the plane departed the concourse, Bush--the pilot--the Bush pilot--came over the cabin's speakers saying something like, "Welcome aboard (pause), aboard ahm"... then almost inaudibly, "What flight is this?" to his co-pilot. "Yeh, flight 14U bound to...('where? where we goin?')...oh yeh, bound for New Orleans. That's in Louisiana case, if, if, case you don't know....." and so on. Would I stay on that plane I found me asking myself.

QUESTION: The FISA Law was implemented in 1978 in part because of revelations that the National Security Agency was spying domestically. With is wrong with that law that you feel you have to circumvent and it as you just admitted expand presidential powers?

BUSH: Well—May I - May I - May I—If I might, you said that I have to circumvent it. There—Wait a minute. That's a—There's something—it's like saying you are breaking the law. I mean, I'm not. That's what you have got to understand. I am upholding my duty and at the same time doing so under the law about the Constitution behind me. That's just important for to you understand. Secondly, the FISA Law was written in 1978.

We're - we're - we're having a discussion in 2000 - and six. It's a different world. And FISA is still an important tool. It's important tool. And we still use that tool. But also - and we—I looked. I said, look, is it possible to conduct this program under the old law? People said, well, it - it—it doesn't work in order to be able to do the job you expect us to do. And so that's why I made the decision I made. You know, circumventing is a loaded word. And I refuse to accept it. Because I believe what I'm doing is legally right.

Or just imagine. If I were seated in Row thirteen and, glancing out the cabin's window, I see Bush as airline mechanic, wrench in hand, fiddling with the plane's engine. Would I stay in my seat, or beat a hasty retreat for the terminal before they locked down the cabin's door?

QUESTION: What do you fear or your staff fear about releasing the photograph with Jack Abramoff with you, Mr. President? You don't fear anything, tell us why you won't release it.

BUSH: You are asking about pictures. I had my picture taken with him evidently. I have had my picture taken with a lot of people. Having my picture taken with someone doesn't mean that I'm a friend with them or know them very well. I have had my picture taken with you. I'm also mindful we live in a world in which those pictures will be used for political purposes and they are not relevant to the investigation.

QUESTION: How many pictures?

BUSH: I don't have any idea.

I drifted off again, this time imagining Bush as my financial adviser, entrusted with my life's savings. I quickly banished the chilling thought.

QUESTION: Mr. President, you talked about Jack Abramoff in the context of pictures but it may not be about pictures, he also had some meetings with some of your staff. You remember. You ran on the idea of restoring honesty and integrity to the White House. Why are you letting your critics attack and taint you with maybe a guilt by association? Why not throw up your books and say, look here's....

BUSH: There is a serious investigation going on by federal prosecutors. And that's—that's their job. And they will - if - if they believe something was done inappropriately in the White House, they'll come and look and they are welcome to do so. There is a serious investigation that's going on.

QUESTION: Do you want to tell the American people, look, as I promised, this White House isn't for sale and I'm not for sale?

BUSH: Look. I - I - I—It's hard for notice say I didn't have pictures with the guy when I did. But I have also had pictures with thousands and thousands of people. The man contributed to my campaign but he contributed either directly or through his clients to a lot of people in Washington and this needs to be cleared up so people have confidence in the system.

Probably the scariest thought of all then occurred to me. What if I'd had a daughter and she'd brought home this empty suit to announce her engagement?

I'm sure I'd ponder had Bush stolen her love from someone else she'd chosen to marry? And having wormed his way into her life, her heart, did he pre-emptively strike at her affections. And does he continue to carry on his forceful assaults upon her emotions day in, day out, night after night? Despite her real wishes he would just leave her alone?

Could this possibly have been my daughter's first choice? Could she not have done better with someone else? Anyone else! And why does she continue on with this windbag of bullshit?

Damn! The thoughts were unbearable until I realized, "Whoa, whoa. Snap out of it. It's okay, I don't have a daughter who brought Bush home to ask for her hand."

"What a relief!" I sighed. "No Bush son-in-law. He's only our president."