Bend Over U.N-ville ~ Here Comes "Bully Bob" Bolton

There's a new bully in town; a hired gun. After president Bush's recess appointment over much congressional objection, John Bolton is already strutting up and down United Nationville's Main Street making a lot of noise. See, the local townspeople, that is, Main Street merchants and shopkeepers, have been working diligently to consider approval of what are seen as the most sweeping changes in U.N.-ville's 60-year history. And it's not been easy, considering U.N-ville consists of 190 resident nations, all with varied interests and agendas.

But despite that, they've come up with a 38 page document after much negotiating, give and take, and compromise. And they've been working on it for almost a year now. But after his arrival in town three weeks ago, "Bully Bob" Bolton struts in and declares, "This document of your's ain't shit. It needs some changes."

Nervous merchants are now peeking out sheepishly from behind shop curtains, merchandise vibrating on their store shelves, as Bolton struts heavily down the boardwalk outside. Of the 38 page document the townsfolk have drafted, Bolton objects to 400 passages therein. He's posted a notice to the 190 residents in U.N-ville. "Time is short," it warns.

Bully Bob goes on to suggest that they get together and negotiate further saying ominously, "I plan on participating personally in this exercise and hope you will do the same." The poster also says residents should come to the meeting "open to alternative formats" if they hope to see any draft survive a passage vote. That's a lot of cajones coming from the "new kid" on the block.

Exactly whose interests is this bulldozer Bolton representing in the community? Well, people are free to draw their own conclusions, but I suspect the changes he wants to make to the town charter are to serve the best interests of the not-so-subtle folks who've hired this gun to run ramshod over everyone else.

And just who are some of these folks that Bolton fronts for? Well, there's the Hallibustin's Bar owner Dick Cheney. Everyone knows his drinks are watered down and over-priced. You don't get what you pay for, but boy do you pay for it! In a darkened corner, there's always a game of seven card stud going on that little folk can't afford to join but whose high stakes affect all.

Some say Cheney's the real mayor of U.N-ville. That he pulls the strings of the town punk who serves as folk's puppet leader, running up and down Main Street keeping their fear levels elevated; walking into shops, handling the merchandise--but never buying--smiling slyly and saying, "Enjoy your freedom and democracy," on his way out. Keepin' 'em nervous like that make's 'em easier to manipulate, seems to be the kid's philosophy.

Across the street from Hallibustin's is a similar establishment, Condi's Pleasure Palace. It's another saloon. Both of these establishments have swinging doors making transit from public to private service and back again easy and extremely profitable for the real power brokers of the town. The main difference between these establishments are the few rooms upstairs in Condi's Pleasure Palace. These she rents out by the day, week, or hour. Anyone's welcome to stay upstairs, but the rent is high, i.e. it'll cost you your soul.

Some say Miss Condi was formerly a Chevron oil tanker queen who's move into respectability was fronted by slick oil interests. Besides saloon keeper, she's also an aide to the mayor's intimidations of the locals by talking about mushroom clouds to anyone who'll listen. She also travels to neighboring communities and chides them for not being "more like us."

The local gunshop, Rumsfeld's Rifle's, is owned by one Donald Rumsfeld. He continues to convince folk if they just keeping pumping more iron (from his shop, of course) into skirmishes and range wars, everything will be fine. This assures sales will run at record paces while he works in the back room developing bigger and better weapons of intimidation for the future.

These are just a few of the many characters that wield power over U.N-ville's smooth operation. And just what do these not so behind-the-scene citizens want in the revisions to U.N-ville's draft? Well, as mentioned, to protect their own interests, of course.

That's why they've hired Bully Bob Bolton, to further force their agenda on the other folks. There's that provision about an International Criminal Court. This is SURE something they don't want included in any draft of revisions. It would permit such an institution to waste time on "frivolous actions" against some of those wielding the power. Can't have that. Christ, it could put "respectable" citizens behind bars just because they blow up other communities and torture detainees they capture.

Then there's a thing called the "Kyoto Protocol" on global warming which, if adopted, would put controls on monied interests whom the power folks owe payback. "Fuck the health of residents and the community!" There's just no way your benefactors can maximize their profits if they have to minimize risks to health and the environment.

Oh, then there's Rumsfeld and his weapons makers' concern about the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty. The only way he can assure the security we so desperately want is if he tears up prior agreements not to develop bigger and better weapons of mass destruction here on Earth and "up there", over our heads in space.

I'm not sure this is what most of us really want. That it's a way to assure a safer tomorrow. Cheney and his crowd include members of extremist evangelicals who spread the fear of evil lurking everywhere. This is the justification for their radical agenda. It's a wreckless tack. But so what? If they fail and all goes up in smoke, you'll be raptured up into the lap of God, right? And if you really think about it, isn't that something to strive toward?

But for now, you must excuse me. Have to go. It's time to open up shop. I hear heavy footsteps coming down the boardwalk outside. Better pull up these shades and unlock the front door. Could be big Billy Bob Bolton!