Sunday, May 21, 2006

American heroes, a tribute to our lesser gods.

(News from the parallel Universe just to the right of this one, or how The National Rifle Association saluted America's demigod #37, General Tommy Franks, ret., aka "The Man with the Plan.")

General Tommy Franks was honored Saturday night at the NRA's annual banquet in Milwaukee. It is Franks ingenious plan for the invasion, triumph, and most profitable occupation of Iraq which America is now executing with a success no one thought possible. We know it's successful, because Don Rumsfeld tells us so. And the president agrees.

As Franks assured his audience and all families with members in the military, "What we're talking about is neither 2,400, 24,000 or 240,000 lives, Terrorism is a thing that threatens our way of life."

If we have to kill Iraqi insurgents fighting to save their country, to kill 800, a 1,000 or more of these men along with their women and children for every one "terrorist" we bag, it's a cost we and the Iraqis must pay, Franks seemed to be assuring the crowd with his 'fishing with hand grenades' analogy. I'm sure that's something every shotgun marksman in the NRA crowd responded to enthusiastically.

In the parallel Universe just to the right of ours, one could hear a few members still at the cash bar in the back of the room break into shouts of, "Let's go shoot us some traitors," and "Yeh, let's kill them peacenik commie bastards!"

As the shouts to shoot something died down, Franks reframed his support for his former leader, Don Rumsfeld, against all his fellow retired 'idiot' generals calling for the defense secretary's resignation. Calling him "grumpy" and "grouchy," Franks assured the crowd, "Don Rumsfeld is an American patriot."

(Dada note: In this alternate Universe just next to ours, honors such as a presidential Medal of Freedom are given--in president Bush's own words--as "our nation's highest civil award to men and women of exceptional merit, integrity and achievement." General Franks received his for his "pivotal role in great events, and whose efforts have made our country more secure and advanced the cause of human liberty."

In this Universe that translates as, "I'm giving you this chintzy $7.95 gold plated medal with red, white and blue ribbon as the cheapest and safest way to buy your silence."

The medal is presented in a public ceremony after the recipient has sworn in a secret pre-ceremony pledge to forever support and praise all members of the administration, to include Don Rumsfeld. No one has been known to violate their pledge, the consequences of which are rumored severe, but remain a closely guarded secret from the public.

Dada suggests those retired general's calls for their former commander, Don Rumsfeld, to step down are just 'sour grapes'. They're obviously pissed that they didn't get their own $7.95 presidential Medals of Freedom like Franks. But they should look at the bright side. They can speak their conscience in calling for Rumsfeld's resignation, which is something Franks can't, having sold that right for seven dollars and ninety-five cents.)


But as the crowd's fervor began to grow again, Franks concluded his 30 minute speech by reminding all, "We have to secure ourselves. We have to secure our Constitution!"

At that point the crowd adjourned to the field out back where a 50 foot bonfire topped with either the effigy of a terrorist or peace activist was ignited as passionate NRA'ers chipped parts off a large carved wooden replica of The Bill of Rights and tossed 'em into the flames in seeming confirmation of conservative judge Andrew Napolitano's assertion that when Americans are in fear, they will willingly sacrifice their rights on a bonfire or their vanities.

*Attribution: (Colin Fly, AP News)

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeaaay, dada, for nailing Gen Franks' toadying performance!! Oh, you are SO right about his honking the horn like a trained seal since receiving his amoral metal memento. I was actually hopeful early in campaign 2004 when Franks' almost criticized Bushco for about 3 days. My hopes were quickly crushed as he was brought to heel & from then has become their biggest military cheerleader. But he may have slipped by mentioning 240K lives. WTH? Is this part of some closely guarded secret, maybe the number of lives they are prepared to sacrifice? If so, we've received a pretty good preview of who's seen that list & who's on it judging by the their instaneous re-conversions back to the bushfold.

(sigh) I'm getting scared the alternate universe has become viral. Purely as a survival technique, our own immune systems have now enclosed each of us in our own little alt universes where we can dimly observe, but not touch, the shadowy universes next to our own. These universes used to look like human people, but now resemble nothing so much as mindless robots whose hands can only clap when told the ratio of innocent civilian death to military actionable death is acceptable at 1000 : 1. -- D.K.

Anonymous said...

Glad that Pony is feeling better --

- You're on fire with this post, Dada...

-- There's no whore like a cheap whore and Gen Franks is worth about $7.95 - (U.S.) - and I think the U.S. dollar is going down - and, ironically enough - Gen Franks actions might have something to do with that -- see -- everything is connected :-)

Dena

Anonymous said...

Welcome, Dena (a Torontoan, right?)! I've not been able to read your Levy link (yet), but between your comments, FarFeed & Dada, I'm getting a pretty strong push in that direction. I try to pay attn to these gentle pushes.

Hahaha, "no whore like a cheap whore" ... perfect depiction of Franks & all those who've sold their integrity! Also reminds me of one of my favorite saloon girls, Belle Starr as portrayed by Pamela Reed in The Long Riders. When she asks her "love interest" (one of the Younger gang) why they can't just get married, he says "because you're a whore, Belle". To which she responds, "yeah, well at least I ain't a CHEAP one". See, even a old west working gal wouldn't just give away her goods for a worthless piece of metal! -- D.K.

dada said...

Hi Anonymouses! (Dena & DK) Always enjoy your blog enhancing comments.

Dena, I enjoyed your "no whore like a cheap whore" comment as much as DK. Sadly, it's hitting closer and closer to home as there was a recent article on teen/pre-teen fashion in our newspaper. Young girls dressed like cheap street walkers appears to be the "latest look" being shoved down our throats by Mad.Avenue, leaving my wife to ask me, "Would you let your daughter go to the mall dressed like this?" To which I answered (thankfully), "Ahm, we don't have a daughter." (PTL! As much as I woulda loved to have one.)

And, yes, I agree. The dollar is going down and the US is in deep doo-doo. Would a wise person invest in Euros or Canadian dollars, or are we taking you with us? (pray not!)

Whoops, time for my daily dose of Amy Goodman's "Democracy Now!" Peace!

dada said...

Dena: Forgot! Wanted to thank you for the kind comment over at FarrFeed.

Latest Monday 1:00 MDT Pony update. So far, so great. Po's been calm and sleeping most of the day. It's like the valium which totally failed over the weekend is working today. (Maybe it's just sheer exhaustion that's enabling her to rest so well today?)

Anyway, tomorrow it's back to the vet to start a new med and get another cartilege promoting injection.

Again, thanks Dena for the encouragement over at Farr's. Now my quandary seems to be who to ask to dance? The Quantum girl or the Buddhist girl?

Anonymous said...

I'd say both. (One after the other, of course.) Why put limits on yourself? You'll know which suits you best. :-)

Very glad your Pony is getting some rest.
Dena

Anonymous said...

hearty second that motion, dena! Quantum dancing for early in the eve when your energy level is high (but which exact dance ... up, down, strangeness or charm ... or is that quarks, heheh). Buddhist dancing for that calming, restful, peaceful end of eve final number, the one that makes you glad to just breathe the sweet air! D.K.